The Reality of Breastfeeding for 2 Years and How I Navigated the Highs and Lows
World Breastfeeding Week was August 1st-7th and while I didn’t have a chance to talk about my journey during that timeframe, I did still want to take a moment to discuss the subject. Breastfeeding was really important to me as a mom. I always knew that it was something I would pursue and had an initial goal of 6-12 months minimum. Just like anyone else, my journey had its unique ups and downs. While I was fully dedicated to making it work and fighting through the hardships, it shed new light on my perspective, and I began to understand why many parents choose not to do so. I am very proud that I was able to breastfeed my son for 23 months (and 17 weeks into my second pregnancy). While we faced some speed bumps along the way, I am ultimately grateful that I had an abundance of milk, and that we were able to work through the challenges.
As a c-section mom, the beginning of our journey was an uphill battle. I was nauseous and could barely sit up which limited the comfortable positions I was able to utilize during those crucial golden hours. I put all that aside and requested immediate skin-to-skin as I was being stitched up and latched my son as soon as I got to the recovery room. I had no idea what I was doing, but knew that these initial steps were imperative for establishing our breastfeeding relationship. I had colostrum come in during our hospital stay, but my mature milk took 5 days to come in, which is common after a surgical delivery for a variety of reasons.
Our first speedbump happened when my son was not regaining his birth weight “fast enough” (according to the birth center midwives who were in charge of our in-home aftercare). I believe this happened for a combination of reasons. First, my milk took nearly a week to come in and second I was using a Haakaa way too soon. I was excited and eager to create a freezer stash but didn’t realize that my son needed the milk upfront those first 3-4 weeks. Next, something that I feel was not taken into consideration was that as a c-section baby, my son’s birth weight may not have been his true weight. Babies born via c-section do not pass through the vaginal canal which means they are not squeezed the same way to release some of the extra fluids they retain during their time in the womb. I later learned that this should have been taken into account, but since the midwives were more familiar with vaginal births they may not have been aware of this detail. At first, I didn’t personally feel worried because I had a strong letdown with plenty of milk, but received a lot of pressure to supplement his feeds. I used my freezer stash to supplement with tube feeds at the breast which helped him regain the weight faster. It all worked out in the end, but it was a stressful and anxiety-inducing few weeks.
The next thing I struggled with was feeling certain that he had a proper latch and whether or not the nipple pain I experienced was normal. I asked lots of people (doctors, midwives, lactation consultants) to check him for oral ties and everyone I encountered assured me that he did not. However, with time I knew something wasn’t quite right. I could tell that he was more comfortable on one side. One of my nipples looked like a flat lipstick after feeds and began cracking and bleeding. Then later, the other side developed a bleb. Something that was pounded into my brain during pregnancy was to hire a lactation consultant that could come to our home. However, it was extremely expensive and not something we could afford at the time. I met with a lactation consultant in the hospital before we were discharged (who I was not fond of). And I was able to set up a virtual meeting with a second one who was also hospital-based, but it took several weeks, and she didn’t teach me much that I hadn’t acquired through my own research and practice as I waited for the appointment. I followed a lot of educational accounts on Instagram and TikTok where I learned about latching, positioning, and milk storage. Nursing became more manageable as he grew and we practiced, but I still felt that something was a little off with his latch. I began to notice that he favored one side when he was sleeping and eventually learned about torticollis. We took him to the chiropractor and tried some delicate stretches to help relax his neck muscles. I wish I knew to look out for this sooner because it would have made a world of difference in those first few weeks.
As time went on, my worries about his latch and weight gain subsided. However, I struggled with my mental and emotional health. On top of processing an unwanted/unnecessary surgery and almost no village or outside help, I hadn’t slept well in months. As a newborn, my son slept for 4-5 hour stretches and eventually through the night. However, by 3.5 months old he was back to eating every 1-3 hours. I remember having a breakdown when he was around 8-9 months old because I was so exhausted and touched out. He continued eating through the night at least once or twice until he was 19 months old. Part of me wanted to quit way before the 1-year mark, but I just didn’t feel we were quite ready and I was dedicated to keep working through it. Once he began sleeping longer stretches again, I was only feeding for naps and bedtime which was a huge relief. Managing a lack of sleep was so hard, but I also knew that this was biologically normal for infants and toddlers. I prioritized tending to his needs whether they were hunger, thirst, or comfort because I knew it was temporary.
I know that the majority of this post was filled with sharing my hardships but I feel that they are important to acknowledge. So many people exclusively glorify or demonize breastfeeding, and while there is so much beauty in it, there are valid reasons why people struggle with it. I feel it’s important to recognize the full picture. You can be completely dedicated to your breastfeeding journey and still struggle with aspects of it because it’s fucking hard! According to the CDC, “Among infants born in 2019, most (83.2%) started out receiving some breast milk […] At 6 months […] 24.9% received breast milk exclusively.” There are hundreds of reasons why the majority of families start off breastfeeding at birth but are not able to sustain the relationship in the following months. The biggest reasons are lack of support and education. Breastfeeding takes a huge toll on caregivers. Many parents are forced to go back to work 6-8 weeks postpartum and their bodies are not receptive to pumping. Many moms are not properly supported by the baby’s father. Villages are no longer the norm when raising a family. Lactation consultants are not created equally in terms of skill/experience and many times are unaffordable when not covered by insurance. While people say “breastfeeding is free” the reality is that it’s not- it takes the same amount of time as a full-time job (1,800 hours on average the first year) and the hunger you have is insatiable. Your time is valuable and food costs money! The list goes on… We may encounter speedbumps along the way but it’s possible to work through them if we prepare for the variety of scenarios that we may face- granted that breastfeeding is something a person desires.
This will be an unpopular opinion, but what helped me fight through the hardships was that I viewed breastfeeding as the only choice. Despite the challenges I faced, I kept educating myself and was blessed with an oversupply, which helped me persevere. I was even able to create an entire freezer stash without pumping- simply using the Elvie Curve at every feed (once my son’s weight was established and blossoming). While an oversupply isn’t the norm, having a true low supply is also very uncommon. Breastmilk is primarily established by supply and demand, but feeds can be hindered by undiagnosed ties or tension in the baby’s body which I wish more people knew. So many people are pressured into formula feeding before they are truly ready to give up instead of receiving adequate support from providers or their loved ones.
I feel it’s important to share these details of my journey because as an outsider it would be safe to assume that someone who breastfed for nearly two years may have had it easy when that was not the case at all. Regardless of how hard it was at times, I am so grateful that I was able to do it. Breastfeeding helped my son and I bond after a challenging birth. It forced us to have that closeness, constant skin-to-skin, and to learn how to work as a team. He was the chunkiest baby and is such a healthy toddler. I would do it all again for him and for us. And I plan to do the same with our next babe. Just like every pregnancy, each breastfeeding journey is different. I am sure certain aspects will be easier and other aspects will be harder during my second journey. But I am ready and so much more prepared this time.
As I conclude this post, I want to leave you with a list of resources that I find super valuable in the breastfeeding world below. I’m sending you so much love and compassion regardless of how you choose to nourish your baby. I hope that sharing my multifaceted experience can help you better prepare for the layered journey breastfeeding can be.