Happy Holidays… Or Are They?! Opening Up About the Holiday Blues.

For many years, the holiday season was difficult for me. The irony is, in an ideal scenario, I love spending time with loved ones and curating thoughtful gifts. For several years in a row, I felt sad around special days like Thanksgiving and Christmas for a few different reasons. The biggest sore point was that I didn’t have the best relationship with people I was once close with. There were a few other factors that made me feel like somewhat of a grinch, but not being able to spend the holidays with the ones I loved hurt the most. It has been an uphill battle, but in recent years, my feelings around this time of the year have begun to improve.

These last few years, I have become more open and enthusiastic about celebrating the holidays again. I have slowly begun rebuilding relationships and creating new ones. A big part of why I feel safe enough to be excited this time of the year is because I finally have my own little family with Mario, Rosie, and baby on the way. I think a lot of what stopped me from feeling festive before was fear and anticipation of disappointment. It hurt to see others around me so happy and busy while I felt lonely.

The holidays can be difficult for many reasons, especially this year with the pandemic. For the majority, it seems to be a joyful and generous time, but it’s not possible for everyone. This year, with the COVID-19 restrictions and safety precautions, I predict that these feelings may be amplified for some who are unable to spend quality time with the ones they love. 

If you’re having a hard time this holiday season, I recommend focusing on self-care. This looks different for everyone, but for me, it includes eating yummy food, resting, and crying it out. It’s important to sit with your emotions but to also work through them. At times when I feel down, I isolate myself. However, I’ve learned that what we often need is a safe and comforting space to express our emotions. If you’re feeling lonely, do your best to not isolate yourself, and instead open up to someone you trust whether it be a friend, family member, therapist, or counselor. Being able to share how we feel with someone we trust makes it easier to overcome feelings of sadness and loneliness. It’s also important to know that you aren’t alone and many others may be feeling the same way even if they don’t express it.

The end of the year is a time for reflection- to take the time to see how much we’ve grown and what we’ve learned. 2020 has been one of the toughest years we’ve seen this decade, but it’s almost over and soon we will be turning a new leaf. I always look forward to celebrating the New Year because I have a chance to leave the former year behind and start fresh. I have had my fair share of difficult times, but I’ve learned that resilience is key. No matter how difficult life can get, I always believe that it’s possible for things to improve, and that’s what I hold onto during the holiday blues.

My Morning Routine

Our world has changed drastically over the last few weeks due to the spread of the Corona Virus (COVID-19). People are staying home more than ever as we practice social distancing all over the world. While a homebody lifestyle may be new for the majority, I have practiced this way of life for years as an introvert who works from home. I have become a bit of a hermit, so my day-to-day has not changed much recently. I began working from home in March of 2018 and graduated college in June of 2019. Once I graduated, I had even less reason to leave the house and the structure of my day was entirely up to me. For the first 1-2 months after graduation, I struggled to get into a good flow for work. In search of some balance throughout the week, I decided to curate a morning routine which helped me focus on my tasks and uplifted my mood. If you are struggling to get into a positive groove during this time, I wanted to share my morning routine in hopes of helping you out! I created this routine based on what makes me feel the most positive at the beginning of each day. The morning routine you create for yourself may look different based on what makes you feel best!

1. I set my alarm to 8:00 AM Monday - Friday and take my dog Rosie on a 15-30 minute walk as soon as I wake up. Since we have been spending more time at home, I have been trying to take her on longer walks, but ultimately it depends on how much is on my to-do list that day. During this time, I catch up on my favorite podcasts and enjoy the fresh air. 

2. When we get back home, I drink a large glass of room temperature lemon or lime water on an empty stomach. Doing so has many health benefits such as aiding digestion and fighting inflammation. It’s also a really easy way to get an extra boost of vitamins and get hydrated first thing each day.

3. As I sip on my lemon/lime water, I make 1 large cup of coffee. I have been making coffee at home for at least 6 years and it has saved me so much money! I usually spend between $7.00 - $10.00 on a bag of coffee beans that lasts 2-3 weeks. I typically limit myself to 1 strong cup of coffee per day. This is the coffee maker and bean grinder that I have at home (affiliate link).

4. After a few sips of coffee, I begin preparing for my morning workout. I do my best to exercise at home for 30 minutes 5 days per week (Monday - Friday). My favorite workouts are on the Popsugar Fitness YouTube channel. I usually search for full-body workouts with no equipment needed and sometimes I’ll throw in an additional 10-minute ab workout or extra stretching session. I also try to incorporate yoga at least once per week.

5. I’m not always hungry first thing in the morning, so sometimes I practice intermittent fasting until my appetite is sparked around lunchtime. If I’m mildly hungry after my workout I usually eat something quick and easy like fruit or a bagel and other times I’ll make a full meal such as a potato bowl with beans and raw greens. I’m going to share this recipe on YouTube soon. Be sure to subscribe here so you don’t miss it!

6. Once I am done working out and eating, I shower and change into something cute and comfy like leggings and a sweater. After I graduated college, I would often skip showers or just wear the same pajamas all day, but I have realized that showering and changing is actually a great way to reset for the work day- even if I don’t plan on leaving the house for much. I don’t usually do my makeup unless I plan on shooting content later in the day. I’m typically ready to start admin/computer work between 9:30 - 10:00 AM.

For a while I also implemented making the bed, but I must admit that this is the least important thing to me first thing in the morning. I do it often, and I love how it makes the bedroom feel neat and organized, but everything else on this list is much more important in contributing to my overall happiness and productivity for the day/week. I am still trying to get better at it, but I am not always consistent with it. Something else I would love to incorporate more is journaling, but I have a hard time squeezing this in without waking up earlier and I am not naturally a morning person. At the beginning of the year, I was writing in my journal once per day (mostly at night) and I would love to pick this up again at some point throughout the day because writing is very therapeutic for me.

Creating a structured routine and turning inward first thing each day has been life changing for me! I hope that sharing how I start my day encourages you to try something like this to optimize your time and mood throughout the week.

My Current Inspiration + Tips on Getting Inspired

A few weeks ago, I asked for feedback on Instagram stories regarding what blog post topics my audience is most interested in reading. My friend and fellow influencer, Nerrissa, asked me to share what is inspiring me at the moment and when I took a poll many others were interested in this topic as well. Now that 2020 is in full swing, and many people are working harder at their goals and resolutions at the beginning of the year, I thought it would be a great time to share what is currently inspiring me. There are 3 main things that have been inspiring me lately: a new + updated website, the start of a new decade, and you! We all go through creative ruts, so if you’re having trouble finding the motivation for creativity I hope that sharing my perspective and tips will help.

I recently relaunched my website and graduated college which have been huge inspirations to me. I had been wanting to create a new website for a long time, but was focusing my energy in other spaces. About 2 months after I graduated, I purchased a new membership with Squarespace. Prior to switching over, I had been using Weebly ever since I created my first website in 2015. I hadn’t written blog posts consistently for a long time, but as soon as I switched over to a new site my creative juices began flowing freely again. Expressing myself in written form has always been a passion of mine that is truly therapeutic. I graduated with my BA in Humanities on May 28, 2019, and for many years the majority of the writing I was doing was for educational purposes. While I loved my major and am passionate about the subjects I studied, I hadn't written for self-expression or artistic purposes in a long time. Graduating gave me more time to blog and making a new website allowed me to feel even more refreshed which first led to my current feelings of inspiration.

While I believe in constant change, progression, and self-evolution, celebrating the start of 2020 has brought additional inspiration to me. There’s something about a new year that is so magical and makes me feel even more excited for pursuing growth and change. I love seeing my peers online or in real life setting positive intentions and making an extra effort to pursue paths that will better themselves inside and out. I love that we are able to reflect on our accomplishments and make improvements to achieve upcoming goals along with others. It creates a true sense of solidarity that I feel is very uplifting in a world community that extends beyond online platforms.

The third thing that has been inspiring me is reconnecting with my audience and becoming consistent with my online presence again. Now that I have graduated and have a better handle on my chronic illness, I want to focus on nurturing the existing connections and continue being inspired by my audience. Truthfully, for the last few months I have been consumed by comparison which has left me feeling jealous and insecure because I am not fully satisfied with where I’m at in my career. I have been focusing on how being a student until I was 29 and living with chronic urticaria has “held me back” rather than transforming these life experiences into power. Right now, I am doing my best to not let these insecurities get in the way of the beautiful community that already exists. This blog post itself began with an IG stories conversation (and many future blog posts will be as well because I wrote all of the suggestions down). I am grateful to be apart of a group that is interested in my opinions, perspectives, and world view because it took me along time to find my voice and even longer to learn how to express it. You give me purpose. I wouldn’t be sitting here writing this without you and I cannot lose sight of that support when I feel discouraged- I have to allow the accountability I have to my current platform keep me motivated.

If you are struggling to find inspiration or motivation I have 3 tips to jumpstart your creative engine: rest, reconnect, and take a leap. I am most inspired when I feel balanced and “everything is in order”. If something is internally or externally out of whack, I cannot fully focus on my craft. If you are lacking inspiration, often times other aspects of our lives need nurturing. This is a great time to step back, take a break from something that is consuming a lot of your energy, and begin brainstorming adjustments that need to be made. If you are able to evaluate what is lacking and what is getting too much of your energy then you can adjust accordingly and begin traveling down a more balanced path. Once you establish the changes that need to be made, you can begin reconnecting with your “why”. It is ideal to reconnect with why you began your hobby or craft in the first place and reevaluate how you want to continue. Once you reconnect and reevaluate, the solidifying factor is to take a leap and try something new. It is nearly impossible to accomplish new results by pursuing the same path which is why change has to happen. Ultimately, for inspiration to be fully ignited you must add something new to the equation. The change does not have to be extreme, it could be one small thing you do each day. Small steps lead to beautiful places. It can be anything that will aid in your self development or bring you peace of mind so that you can feel open to creativity again. The point is to simply take the first leap in a new direction.

I hope that sharing my current inspiration + tips on getting inspired will help those in a creative rut and that sharing my thought process inspires and internal dialogue that digs a little deeper. I would love to hear if you are going to try these tips to reignite your creativity or learn about how you already stay inspired! Let me know in the comments below or send me a message on Instagram via DM or stories.

Reflecting on 2019 and Preparing for 2020

New Year is my favorite holiday because I love looking back to revisit the experiences, check in with my growth, and set new goals. On a personal level, this past year has had it’s fair share of high-highs and low-lows. Last January, started off a bit rocky and I was nervous that the circumstances I faced were going to set the tone for the rest of the year. I had a lot of big goals for 2019, so starting off on a negative note was the last thing I aimed for. However, life often throws curveballs which force us to sink or swim so I did my best to persist despite the adversities. Overall, this year was a chaotic rollercoaster that is ending on a very positive and peaceful note, which makes me very happy because that was one of my main goals. The closing of 2019 represents so much. Not only because a new year is approaching, but also because it’s the end of the decade for the world and for me! As we enter the 2020’s I will also be turning 30 in March.

One of my biggest goals for 2019 was to focus on healing inside and out. One of the most pivotal habits I incorporated to pursue this goal was to implement consistent exercise. I got into a great workout routine for a large part of the year and made it my priority to be physically active for a minimum of 30 minutes at least 5 days per week. This helped tremendously by allowing me to lean inwards first thing every morning. Being consistently active strengthened my body and aided in calming my mind. Focusing on myself first thing every single day before work or other responsibilities allowed me to heal on multiple levels and it’s definitely something I want to continue next year. 

There are some goals that I mastered this year and others I want to continue improving on in the new year. A new goal I have for 2020 is to travel more. Honestly, traveling has never been a huge part of my life and for the first time I want to make it a higher priority. We didn’t travel much when I was a kid and as I got older I had a hard time justifying travel or vacations because I didn’t understand the value. All I saw were the money signs which deterred me because for most of my young adult life I was more concerned with paying rent, car bills, or shopping. Mario and I had several great trips this year and as I enter my 30’s I want to make more room for traveling because I understand that the value exceeds how much a person spends on a trip. Travel can be inexpensive if you prepare in advance and ultimately it’s more about the memories and learning about other cultures that exceed the monetary value. A goal I want to work on next year that I didn’t quite master in 2019 is to finish redecorating the apartment. So far, I mostly did the office which still isn’t completely done, lol. Next is the living room and dining area.

There are a few things I have been doing to ensure that I end the year on a positive note that I want to share with you!

1. Purge and Do a Deep Clean

   I’ve been purging and organizing the house all year, but I wanted to get another session in before the New Year. As a recovering shopaholic with hoarding tendencies turned style blogger, the clothes, shoes, and boxes accumulate quickly. I am working on clearing our space as often as I can so that I can break these habits of holding onto things I don’t use. I want our home to feel comfortable, not cluttered, so I am doing my best to keep up with this, especially as we enter 2020.

2. Let That Shit Go

   Purging clothes and shoes is one form of “letting shit go” but there are other aspects to this phrase as well. This decade was filled with lots of loss for me and one thing that prevented me from healing emotionally and mentally was not being able to let go. I have been one to hold onto regret and wishing I could change things which used to eat at me. This year, I wanted to train myself to really let go of anger, hurt, and resentment. It’s difficult to have a peaceful heart and mind unless we let these negative emotions go which is where meditation, manifestation, and exercise really came into play. As we enter 2020, I don’t want to dwell on anything negative that happened in 2019 or the rest of the decade. I want to accept things for what they are without feeling anger or pain and really let that shit go!

3. Reflect and Look Ahead

   Constant growth has always been important to me which is why celebrating the New Year is so exciting! Even though I’ve been through a lot of hard times this decade, I still can’t help but look back and feel grateful. I’m grateful that I had the strength to pull myself out of some dark times. I’m grateful that I learned how to speak up and gained a voice when it comes to expressing myself. I’m grateful that I learned how to truly love myself and put myself first. I’m grateful to have finally graduated college with my BA in Humanities. I’m grateful to have a peaceful and loving home to call my own. I’m grateful to have my priorities straight. I’m grateful to have Mario and Rosie as my little family and that I get to spend time with them every single day. I’m grateful for having a platform and a community that supports and cares for me through the internet. I’m grateful for all of this because I did not have any of these things when I was 20 years old in 2010. That was around the time my darkest days started and I’m glad they’re over.

   I’m definitely not where I thought I would be at this age, but where I am feels right. I’m so excited for the next year and the next decade. I look forward to sharing my journey as it unfolds in 2020 and beyond. Happy New Year! Big hug and kiss to you! I love you!

P.S. Shout out to all the 1990 babies turning 30 next year!

My Journey with Self Love

My journey towards self love began around age 25. Growing up, I had a rough childhood and the patterns of extreme adversity I faced continued through my early 20’s. I was an only child (for the first 10 years of my life) who often resorted to playing with babydolls and Barbie’s as an outlet. When I got into my pre-teen years, I transitioned into playing with my hair and makeup which resulted in becoming more self aware of my appearance. Not to mention the surge of hormones that make us all a little coocoo during those prime puberty years. I began to obsess in the mirror over my appearance and hated everything I saw in my reflection.

As a mixed girl, I felt so confused with my identity. I transferred schools often because my mother and I moved frequently and I was bullied, so I didn’t have a solid group of friends. Whenever I started at a new school students would ask, “What are you? Mexican or White?” I would then explain that I am German, Scottish, and Nicaraguan and immediately become insecure because I didn’t feel “enough” of anything. My mom was born in Nicaragua, but primarily spoke English to me. I was painfully shy and was scared to speak my second language out loud until much later. My paternal grandmother was born in Germany and I went to German school on Saturdays, but I started later than other kids in my class and felt insecure that all the younger children were more fluent than me.

The confusion I faced with my identity transformed into body dysmorphia. When I looked into the mirror I despised my reflection and would think to myself, “I wish my hair wasn’t wavy. Why can’t I have corkscrew curls or stick straight strands so that I can fit in more with one side or another? I wish I could be tan so that I could look more like my mom and the Hispanic girls at school would accept me faster.” When puberty hit I prayed for large breasts every night, that never came, so I fantasized about the day I would be able to get a breast augmentation while watching MTV’s “True Life: I’m Getting Breast Implants”. I was also a very picky eater and was extremely slim which adults would often point out deepening the insecurities that surrounded every inch of my being. I despised when teachers or my friends parents would endearingly touch my back out of fear that they would feel the way my bones popped out of my skin and say something about it. My insecurities ran deep from a young age and I was miserably unaware of how to love myself until my mid 20’s. 

As I mentioned earlier, I had a rough childhood and my difficulties continued through high school and college. I had extensive falling outs with various family members from senior year in high school and sophomore year in college that affected me tremendously.  I felt betrayed by the tribe that raised me which resulted in immense heartache, financial hardships, and deepened my anxiety to new heights. The stress became so difficult that I began breaking out in hives and having night sweats throughout the night that caused me to change a handful of times because my clothes were soaking wet. I felt as though I was mourning the loss of my loved ones and I felt so alone. The financial hardships caused me to take several breaks from college and pushed me to focus on work to survive rather than my career long term. I was working in retail as a stylist and later as a manager. I loved the company I was employed with and threw myself into work which was so rewarding. My finances fell into place at the perfect time and I was grateful for that, so I continued to dedicate myself to work. After four years with the same company, I had an epiphany that it was time to shift my priorities and focus on finishing school. My love for work began to consume my life and eventually I had no balance, so I made the difficult decision to leave and work part-time elsewhere until I finished my Bachelor of Arts in Humanities. Since I was leaving my former employer, I had to get new insurance but wanted one more doctor visit before my coverage expired. I made an appointment the day before my insurance ended and was diagnosed with clinical depression and anxiety. I couldn’t even talk about my symptoms or circumstances without crying at the time. The doctor encouraged me to take anti-depressants, but deep down I knew what I was going through was manageable as long as I made serious life changes.

As I transitioned into my new life as a broke college student working part-time, I was also going through a hard breakup. This breakup was a significant game changer for me because after that relationship ended was the first time I consciously chose to spend time alone and learned how to love myself. For the first time in my life I had no desire to date, rebound, nothing. I just wanted to be alone, do things I loved, and learn who I was. This was something I had to do in solitude so that I could block outside noise, other people’s opinions, and focus on myself. While I wish I reached this phase sooner in life, I felt this was the first time I was ever truly ready. Something just clicked and I had no desire to flood my life with anything that no longer served me. While I began healing and working on myself I also I began building new friendships, strengthening old ones, and when blogging came into play more seriously. 

I’ve shared many times in the past that blogging helped bring me out of a depression and it really did. I have always been a creative person, but for so long I didn’t have time to breathe let alone make space for my art. Once I left my full-time job to focus on school and got out of a toxic relationship my soul yearned to be filled with a creative outlet. I finally had the mental and physical space to style outfits on my own time and take pictures around my neighborhood. My friends were so supportive and helped me shoot content several times a week. I felt fulfilled for the first time in a long time. That was the summer of 2015 and I have continued down this path ever since. Blogging is still a huge part of my life- one of the biggest parts of my life- as I have chosen to pursue my creative outlet as a career post college graduation.

While I still struggle with mild body dysmorphia and bouts of sadness and anxiety it is very mild compared to what I went through in my early 20’s. I no longer hate every inch of my being when I look at my reflection and I have learned to love the traits that my mixed genes express. The irony about obsessing over how much I hated my wavy hair at a young age is that it is one of the features I get complimented on the most as an adult. One of the key components I learned during my self love journey is that spending time nurturing yourself is necessary. Once I sought and found balance, it took so much unneeded pressure out of my life. During my self love journey I formed my own opinions and learned how to express them. I also learned that I can be happy all by myself. I continue to be fueled by alone time and protect the energies around me. I am a very sensitive and intuitive person, so in order for me to experience inner peace I have to be careful with how I spend my time and who I surround myself with. Guarding my heart and mind with awareness of how certain experiences or other people influence my spirit has been pivotal in maintaining a positive mental state.  I can’t help but wish I had things easier growing up, but the hardships I faced have made me resilient, strong, and intelligent, so I wouldn’t trade those qualities in for anything else.

How to Prepare for your First Plant Based or Vegan Holiday Season

Thanksgiving 2018 was my first holiday on a plant based diet. I developed chronic illness and extreme allergies last year and had my first flareup August 1, 2018. Before I got sick, I was primarily a vegetarian for several months. Shortly after,  I opted to cut all animal products out of my diet because I ate A LOT of cheese which resulted in a high fat diet and I felt that a lot of my underlying health issues were due to inflammation. When a person eats too much fat it is difficult for our body to process and cleanse, therefore, I made the choice to change my ways. Although I was committed to eating healthier long term, at times I struggled in social settings.

The holidays, and any gathering with loved ones, often revolves around food. As a new vegan, the holiday season can be a stressful time because you are just learning how to navigate a new diet and lifestyle. Flexitarians often use scenarios like holiday meals or parties as a time to give in to eating animal products, but if you are truly committed to a plant based lifestyle I have curated a list of tips to help you get through your first holiday season a little easier.

Offer to Host

Last year, Mario and I decided to host our own intimate Thanksgiving dinner and Christmas lunch. We had my mom over for Thanksgiving and his parents over for Christmas. If you are worried about not having anything to eat at your family dinner or holiday party, I think this is a great option because you are in complete control of the setting. Mario and I both have food allergies and we love to cook so it was a natural choice for us. When we hosted my mom we made mashed potatoes, cranberry sauce, green beans, sweet potato soup, and had a side of gluten free vegan bread. When Mario’s parents came over we made our favorite spicy bean soup which was a hit!

Eat Beforehand and Bring Extra Food

For those who do not feel hosting is an option, I recommend eating before you head to the holiday gathering and perhaps even preparing some extra food to bring for yourself and for others to try. This is a great way to satisfy your belly without feeling like you’re missing out and showing your loved ones that vegan food is delicious and accessible. For example, Mario and I will be spending Thanksgiving with his family this year and we decided to cook some staple options for us and others to enjoy. We are making a large pot of vegan mashed potatoes with coconut milk, sautéed green beans and mushrooms with garlic, cranberry sauce, and a pumpkin pie. We will likely purchase an allergy friendly vegan pumpkin pie that is available at Whole Foods. Each of these meal options are on theme for the holiday season and are pretty easy to make while still being flavorful. If you are unable to cook in advance, I recommend preparing yummy snacks to munch on for the duration of the event. 

Be Prepared to Explain Yourself, but Don’t Get Too Deep

If your whole family or all of your friends eat animal products and this is the first time you’ve made a change like this, your loved ones may have a lot of questions or concerns. They may ask why, wonder if you’re getting enough nutrition or protein, or even make fun of your choices. Their questions or comments can be very uncomfortable when you are the center of attention and everyone is waiting for a response. Therefore, I suggest to keep the answers simple. Personally, I don’t think a holiday celebration is right the time to get deep into justifying your reasoning for transforming your diet and lifestyle- especially if they are not receptive to it. There are so many reasons one may choose not to consume animal products: to better their health, for the well being of our planet, because they love animals, or a combination of these reasons. Regardless of why you chose to make the change, I would answer as simply as possible and leave it at that. I feel it's important to give honest answers, but keep the explanations short. It may take them a while to warm up to the idea and many people are genuinely curious, but just don’t understand because it’s such a foreign concept to them. Answering genuine curiosity with patience and kindness will open the door and hopefully later you can have deeper conversations about your new diet and lifestyle.

I hope you find these tips useful for your first holiday season on a plant based or vegan diet! I struggled to find ways to work around social settings in the beginning and implementing these three concepts have helped me a lot over the past year. Wishing you a cozy holiday season filled with lots of love and yummy food!