Last week was rough to say the least. In fact, I wrote this post while I was locked out of my house after an already stressful morning. To be honest, I’m not the kind of person who is naturally overtly optimistic. I don’t consider myself incredibly pessimistic either, but instead more so of a realist. I spent a lot of time wishing I was engrained with a different mindset rather than what naturally felt right. However, a few years back I decided to just accept who I am and act accordingly, rather than continue trying to put on a front for others. After all, it’s sort of in my nature to prefer “a little bit of this and a little bit of that,” in all aspects of my life. This decision was incredibly liberating and helped relieve a lot of my anxiety. I understand that we all have struggles and I am not being melodramatic, but sometimes I feel like my life is a soap opera. At times I have an outer body experience and I’m just like- Really?! Seriously?! Why?!
Ever since I was little, life has thrown hurdle after hurdle my way which has made me a resilient and empathetic person. In challenging moments I tell myself “this will pass” or “it could be worse” and “this is just a test of patience.” However, at times I can’t help but feel beaten down. I mean... I’m only human. To an extent, I do believe that strong people are dealt a more difficult set of cards because we can handle it, but sometimes I wish I didn’t have to constantly suck it up. Sometimes I just want things to be easy. Sometimes I just want to bask in my happiness without being surprised with something challenging or upsetting.
I believe in feeling the feels, so once I release the tension and come out of my frustration, I am able to accept once again that this is just how my life is. There's something between the chemistry of the universe and I that won't let me escape this pattern. Therefore, I've learned to just ride the waves as they come like the Pisces that I am. I remind myself that I have to continue pushing through it and I’m learning to not get worked up as quickly when something goes wrong.
I recognize on a deep level that we cannot control what happens to us, but we can control how we react and how we handle situations. So, I’m doing my best to learn how to continue pursuing a more positive mindset, regardless of what’s happening on the outside. At this point I have accepted that is all I have control over. With that being said, this doesn't mean I'm going to be super bubbly all the time, but I am doing my best to calm the storm when it begins to brew.
The reason I am sharing this is because writing is therapeutic for me and I hope that sharing my experiences can help others who are in the same boat, but may feel alone. Now, let's pray that this week is better than the last!
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